Small Things Are Big Things

This is the last part of a 3 part series about our first experience with Safe Families. We hosted of a 5-year-old homeless boy named Mike for 10 days.
See part 1 here and part 2 here.

August 7th – Wednesday
A good morning and afternoon. I’ve been prepping Mike for going back to the street.
(Oh, how it pains me to say that.)
I’m so sad for him.
He was singing to himself today, “I’m not coming back – I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
I’ve been trying to encourage Mike to talk to his parents about finding help and shelter. But I really don’t think that his parents want to get off the street. It just stinks that Mike and Sarah have to suffer.
We have decided to send the kids back with rolling backpacks to hold their things – the clothes we bought them, multi vitamins, Band-Aids, Neosporin, a good jacket and snacks.
Mike now eats healthy food at dinner fresh raw spinach, cucumbers, tomatoes, and carrots. I hope that he will want to eat healthy food after he leaves here. I don’t know why I think it’s so important… because there are probably so many bigger problems he’ll have to face in a few days.
Like having food at all.

(He fell asleep during his 2 hour haircut so I held his head.)
He started to hit himself again today. Which he hasn’t done since the first few days. I feel his behavior is regressing… like he is looking for an angry reaction from me again. Like he wants me to get angry and push him away, so when he leaves he can justify it. I told him he had permission to hit himself if he wanted to. I feel like sometimes if kids have permission to do something, it isn’t as fun to do it. He said, “I don’t want to do that, it will hurt.”
Yay!
I know he is sad about leaving. When he asks or it comes up he shakes his head no and when I ask what he’s saying no to he says, “nothing.” I think he loves his parents but wishes they were different: providing for him, having a place to live and food to eat.
I feel like kids see the best in people.
That’s what’s so wonderful about them.
After dinner we played backyard baseball because that’s his favorite. Tomorrow is his last full day/night with us. I see him being so intentionally mean to the big kids. But I also see his compassion toward the little kids. I have a feeling he is the main care taker for Sarah while they are on the street. Even though he is acting out, I’m trying to affirm him as often as I can.
But I’m tired and I can’t say that I won’t be relieved when he is gone.
And that makes me sad too.

August 8th – Thursday
I’m tired.
As much as I hate to write it, I’m looking forward to getting back into a “normal” routine.
Mike had the worst time today. He’s acting out and I’m beginning to think it wasn’t the best idea to tell him he’s going back with his parents.
Tonight we had Life Group (our small group at church) and we spent the whole time praying for Mike.
It was powerful.
Our friend played the guitar for worship.
Which was rad.
Then we surrounded him, and prayed for all aspects of his life.
There were tears all around.
He was so calm while we were praying for him and this gave me a peace. But I really don’t want him to go back to the street.
This is where I think ultimate trust in God’s plan should be.
But I’m not really feeling it.
What I’m feeling is that Mike and Sarah should be put in a stable home (probably a family with no kids of their own) while their parents get their sh%* together.
If their parents can get their sh%*.
What I’m feeling is that I can make a better plan for Mike and Sarah’s lives.
What I’m feeling is that there if something doesn’t change in their situation, the children will be hurt.
And that’s what I’m feeling.

August 9th – Friday
The plan for the day was for the kids to go to the Summer Day Camp, and after camp we would all go out to lunch somewhere with a play area so they would have plenty of food in their bellies, then take the kids to Olive Crest for the director to take them back to their parents.
On the street.
THE STREET!
My emotions are all over the place.
Part of me wants to make him a Lawson – we can keep him and pour into his life. It would be rough but I think we could do it. The other part of me wants to kick him to the curb and get on with my life. How selfish.
While the kids were at Summer Day Camp, we found out that Safe Families hasn’t been able to get in contact with Debbie. She would’t call back or pick up her phone. So the whole morning we weren’t sure if there would actually be a drop off. Finally at around 1pm Debbie called Safe Families and they arranged a meeting place. BUT Safe Families didn’t know she was in Santa Monica… they thought she was in Long Beach. Luckily they were able to arrange for the longer drive.
I understand why Mike and Sarah didn’t care if they talked with their mom. She is a clanging cymbal. She tells them she loves them and misses them but she doesn’t show them. And I think Debbie and her husband are full of broken promises.
Kids are smart.
One one car ride this week Mike was telling Brad that his parents told him that soon they were going to buy a house, and get him a bike, and lots of toys and a big TV… etc. But that hasn’t happened. It would be hard for a child to believe anything their parents tell them, if so much of what they say never happens.
The other host mom and I packed the rolling backpacks with all their new clothes, a kids Bible, snacks, multi vitamins, Band-Aids and Neosporin. I had about 10 photos printed of each child and attached them too a binder ring (light weight). On the back I wrote an affirmation or memory about the photo. “You are handsome… you are good at playing baseball… You have a silly sense of humor that everyone loves…”
We gave hugs, said goodbye then loaded the kids into the car.
The car was driving away and Mike was yelling, “I want to stay with you!!” over and over while reaching his arms out the window toward us.
And just like that, our first Safe Families hosting was over.

###

So there was my journal from over a month ago.
It’s exactly what I was thinking, while we were going through the hosting.
The days after this hosting, I wasn’t sure if we would/could do it again. Now, time has passed, and the stressful days don’t seem nearly as intense as they felt in the moment.
But isn’t that life?
Tess likes to list our family member’s names, often Mike’s name is in the mix. What a perfect picture of the Christian Life. In a small way Mike has been adopted into our family. He has truly helped to shape our family’s perspective.
This is what it’s all about. Stepping out and stepping up.
Saying yes, when people say you’re crazy.
In fact, a lot of people have told me that hosting Mike was a Big Thing.
And I’m not discounting that, but it really was a collection of Small Things – I made one more sandwich at lunch, I tucked one more kiddo into bed, and read one more nighttime story. And yes, I was breaking up one more fight a day (at least), we had one more spot taken in our car, and everything took one-more-person-longer to get completed,
And that wasn’t easy.
Now, I’m asking myself the purpose of this post.
Was it for me to remember this experience?… um… nope. I already have it written in my journal.  (paper… remember that stuff?)
So maybe it’s to share a compelling story? …um…kinda yes… I think it’s a story worth sharing.
But that’s not totally it either.
The purpose is to convey a message.
”What’s the message?” (you ask)
Well, I hope that after reading this series you would think, “Wow, we could do that.”
”Say what!??!?! (you’re thinking) Kara Noel, Mike was telling your  wee children about the Halloween movies, and you had to buy him a new wardrobe AND (the kicker) he gave you lice!!!!”
And my response is – and God has never been more real to me AND my children, my little prayers have never felt more impactful, we got to tangibly show our children (our neighbors and strangers) what it means to be “all in” for Jesus.
AND (the kicker) even if the 10 days was some of the worst in my life (which it wasn’t), we get to be a part of Mike’s story forever.
And he is a part of ours.
Forever.

###

MIKE UPDATE: We had a meeting with the Safe Families staff to hear what happened at the drop-off. They said the kids and mom seemed genuinely happy to see each other, and I think that’s really great! Debbie also showed them the blanket where they live, and I think that’s not great. Debbie hasn’t reached out for more help from Safe Families.
BUT the Lawsons are praying for Mike, God’s precious son – praying for his protection, his choices, and his future.
Mike’s story isn’t done yet.
Maybe we’ll know the end this side of heaven.
Or maybe heaven will be a joyful reunion.
Either way, I’m waiting.
Expectantly.

This is part 2 of a 3 part series about our first experience with Safe Families. This is about our 10 day hosting of a 5-year-old homeless boy named Mike.
See part 1 here.

August 1st – Thursday
Two things I’m wondering about:
1-Why is Mike’s voice so scratchy?
Is it silly to wonder this?
It’s like he has been trained to talk in a baby-talk-deep-whiney voice. Maybe he gets more money when he sounds like that. Sometimes he talks normal but as soon as he talks with his mom it’s back to the forced scratchiness. When I prompt him to “talk like a big boy” he can take away the scratchy voice.
2-Mike doesn’t wipe when he goes poop.
This bothers me because it’s gross and because I have the clean-up. I wonder if his parents don’t know to teach him how or if they don’t do it so it isn’t even on their radar.
Those are two things I’m wondering today.
Today was the same, he did well but still runs away when we call. The other host mom came over during VBS and I was able to sign Mike up for Summer Camp program at another church with Sarah next week. It will be a good break for my kids. And the church he is going to will really pour into him.
The other host mom found info about the OC Rescue Mission. The OC Rescue Mission keeps families together and does job training so we are encouraging Debbie to look into it. The other host mom is very smart and is thinking beyond the hosting about how to help Mike and Sarah. She even found housing within Debbie’s budget. Debbie said they are “coming into some money” on the 3rd and she seemed open to these ideas when they talked yesterday. But we also feel like she is just humoring us.
That night Brad threw me a surprise birthday party bonfire at the beach with a lot of our close friends.
(Soooooooo fun!!!)
Mike was all over the place but I like that he was in nature again. I hope he sees that people can be fun and happy. He enjoyed playing in the sand and walking on the beach with family.
Debbie called on the way home and she was mad and short with me. Mike didn’t want to talk to her because he was so tired. I asked if she could call before 9pm… preferably around 4-6pm… so Mike wouldn’t be tired or already asleep. Debbie was insinuating that I wasn’t taking care of Mike well. This really bothers me. Brad thinks I’m crazy. I mean if they were with Debbie they would be sleeping on the sidewalk and panhandling all day.
Blarg.

August 2nd – Friday
VBS was great. Afterward Mike was helping clean up really well. I didn’t think he wanted to leave. He needs positive consistency.
Don’t we all.
That night was an end of VBS BBQ at the pool. He participated in the songs and loved swimming in the pool. He loves the water! One of the church members mentioned the Fred Jordan Mission in LA. I looked it up and it looks great but I think it’s more like a soup kitchen not a place where a family can live.

Debbie called at 4pm which was awesome because Mike was awake. But he still doesn’t want to talk with her. She was really chatty and friendly and said that she looked up the OC Rescue Mission on the internet at the public library, and thought it looked really neat.
We will see.
She also spent 20 minutes telling me craft ideas I can do with the kids. Like she was reading off a google list of ideas. It was really weird. She asked if we could get Mike’s hair cut, which is totally fine. Then she asked if we would could throw Mike and Sarah a birthday party. A “big party with a fancy cake, piñata and lots of presents.” And that we should tell the kids it was from Debbie and her husband.
This rubbed me the wrong way… and I don’t know why. It felt like she was being nice the whole conversation just to get me to say yes to the haircut and birthday party.

August 3rd – Saturday
We went to Doheny with the other host family today and it was a lot of fun. I’m so glad our two host families have each other. We didn’t really know each other at all, but the dad was on the prayer team that came to the hospital to pray for my mom. And that is pretty cool. I’m excited that we get along so well and that we can support each other through this.
At the beach Mike and Sarah were ganging up together and throwing sand at other children. We met a family law lawyer and she told us the 3rd was Social Security Day. Which explains why Debbie says they are coming into some money today.
On the way home from the beach I was telling Mike that we are trying to help his parents get into the shelter “like the Orange County Rescue Mission.” Mike gasped and said “I love that place!!!”
Um, what!?!?
Then he wouldn’t say anything else about it.
I’m feeling like Debbie is just trying to work the system and get money from us. Mike is opening up and talking to us more.
After the beach we went to the pool to rinse off the sand and I can tell the major repetition and is helping Mike listen and obey more. After the pool we went to a BBQ at our neighbor’s house. I think it’s really good for Mike to hang out with lots of people. I couldn’t tell if some of the kids were picking on him or if he was instigating the other kids near the pool. They were splashing him while he was in clothes and standing on the outside of the pool. It felt like the situation was escalating in a negative way. Then one of the teenage boys took Mike aside to run and play. It’s fun to see Mike having fun.
Then I took Mike back home to put to bed. He told me that he wants us to come to his birthday party. That seems like a major breakthrough. He’s using the words “us” and “we” when describing our family. I feel like he really does feel excepted and safe.

August 4th – Sunday
Church went well and I talked with the teachers and they said Mike had some trouble listening. We did lunch at Café Rio then went to the flea market, It was a fun family outing. If I thought we got a lot of looks as a family of six in public places… multiply that by a thousand with a family of 7… where it is obvious that one is different than the others.
This hosting has prompted deeper thoughts about transracial adoption. It’s a bit overwhelming. But maybe I’m making it more complicated in my head than it actually is.
We got Mike’s haircut. It took two hours. His fro was so dense that the clippers couldn’t cut through it, so she had to do it all by hand then shape it later with the clippers. I’m a little partial to his little fro but he does look very handsome with it short. We had done blue polkadots for crazy hair day at VBS, and 4 days later he was still sweating blue out of his sideburns… after baths and a trip to the pool! It was so dense before that I think it was holding in the dirt and sweat because he was always scratching his head.
That night our friends brought us dinner (which was the HUGEST help ever). We ate at home then took a twilight bike ride.
We are hoping to teach Mike how to ride a two-wheel bike before he leaves Friday.
We ate dessert and played outside till the sun went down.
It was a fun day for all.

August 5th – Monday
The kiddos were all a little rambunctious this morning. Mike thought everyone was going to the Summer Day Camp. When Eli told Mike he was going alone, Mike got very nervous. He rushed to me with his bag of crafts from last week’s VBS (he sleeps with that bag and treasures everything inside) and was very concerned. I told him he would get to go with Sarah and that I would pick him up as soon as the camp was over. Mike was so relieved. I heard him run back to Eli and say, “your mom is going to pick me up later today!!!”
The rest of the day went great. And I got a lot done without Mike there.
We played baseball that evening in the backyard and mike LOVED it.
He is good too.

I’m praying he remembers these special moments. I love to see him blossom here and I wonder what he would be like in a more normal environment.
We played till the sun went down.
Then we sat in the yard and watched the bats flying around. We even saw an owl. Mike talked about sleeping outside under the trees.
Ug.
I love his sweet side but then his old man homeless side comes out. It’s so strange. One minutes he’s a sweet boy then he’s crazy homeless man. He seems to take on the mannerisms and characteristics of a stereotypical homeless mentally unstable person – like talking to himself in an odd way and hitting/slapping himself. Hard. Yelling. Making scary faces.
It breaks my heart.

August 6th – Tuesday
Another great day at camp and the kids are behaving well. But things caught up with me today and I was done mentally so we went to Outback for dinner.
I felt so proud after dinner because multiple people (including the waitress) commented on how well behaved our children were. I feel like this is huge for Mike. I also forget what a spectacle my large family is to outsiders looking in.
We are a walking circus.
One that you can usually hear before you see.
It’s normal to me and I love it. But even when I see a mom out with four children I think to myself… “That’s too many kids… Let’s see… 1…2…3…4. Oh.” Five kids must just look silly.
But I still want more.
And going through this experience is only making adoption seem more amazing.
I’m extremely unsettled about Debbie, Mike’s mom. I think it’s odd that Mike never wants to talk to her and never asks about her. When she calls he says “Hi Mommy,” in his scratchy voice then says, “I miss you” mechanically, then pushes the phone away. When I ask him about his family he never has an answer. Debbie called last night but it was late and the kids were in bed. She left a message for Mike saying that she missed him. it was nice. Then tonight she called and was very upset. Mike didn’t want to talk so I literally fed him lines: “I got my haircut today… I pet a shark at the tidepool… I drew a picture…” So I think she was OK with that.
Then she talked with me for 25 minutes about how difficult it is to get off the street.
I believe her.
But one of her reasons was that she would have to listen to 18 messages to get to the one from the OC Rescue Mission. And she said that when she heard there was a phone interview as well as 2 in person interviews it “burst her bubble” because she didn’t “like being at a certain place at a certain time.”
Um… like for a job.
Ug.
Then she said she couldn’t get to an interview in Orange County. I told her we would give her a ride anytime and anywhere and she said she didn’t want to burden anyone.
Um… like having people watch your children, and buying them new wardrobes and getting them haircuts and signing them up for really fun activities?
Which I don’t mind doing at all.
In fact, I love doing it.
And she also asked us to throw the children a big party and tell the kids it was from her.
Debbie was very angry that the kids were coming back Friday.
”Why do I have to get them back Friday. Can’t they extend the time.”
Um… extend the time for what?
You aren’t doing anything. All the research and housing leads were from the other host mom. She found housing in your price range and even visited the OC Rescue Mission for information. I don’t think Debbie wants to change or maybe she can’t change. She complained that she didn’t get as much money as she thought she would on the 3rd. But Mike did tell me that his parents spend all their money on cigarettes and beer. Debbie also told me that she smoked a joint the first day the kids were gone.
Blarg.

Some charities/organizations, are cool and you write a check.
Some pull at your heartstrings so you volunteer, and ask your friends to write checks too.
Some are inspiring and practical you pour your everything into them, and because they are so life-changing you want to walk downtown, grab your soapbox and yell at passersby, “Notice this amazing organization. See the people working hard to make a difference in this world. Regular people like you and me who are just doing their best. People who share Small Things and don’t get anything in return (except lice… true story). Watch how lives are impacted for good. You can do it too! And it doesn’t take much!!”
Small Things are Big Things.
Safe Families does this for me.
And instead of getting on a soapbox, I’m going to transcribe my personal journal about my 2 week experience.
What is Safe Families? (you ask)
Well, the simple answer is that it’s voluntary foster care for families that need help. Like a safe free babysitter who has been background checked and fingerprinted. But it’s more like a preventative to foster care, for families with very little support. The idea is that a family… let’s say a single mom… can turn to a Safe Family to watch their children while they look for a new job instead of moving back in with an abusive ex-boyfriend. This will prevent potential abuse and let the mom get back on her feet again to care for her children. Make sense? (To get the long answer go to the Safe Families site. The concept is pretty rad and it’s a program I’m proud to be involved with.)

Our 1st Safe Families hosting:
Kara Noel’s Personal Journal unedited entries (names changed)

July 26th – Friday
We were called by Safe Families to take in a 5-year-old boy for 10 days. His name is Mike and he has a younger sister, Sarah. We know they are homeless and their parents are still together. Rock Harbor’s Main Campus is trying to build a relationship with them.

July 27th – Saturday
Prayer and preparation for Mike. Preparation is physical as well as mental – we got his bed ready and told the children about our house guest. We already love him and I wonder how I will give him back knowing his circumstances. The children are very excited for the “10 day playdate!”

(picture above using binoculars while we await Mike’s arrival.)
July 28th – Sunday
We picked up Mike on the way to church at 8:30 am in a nearby city. Both Mike and Sarah have been staying with a pastor and his wife (they have 4 kids as well) for 3ish days. They said the children were covered with bug bites (they think bed bugs). So they had taken them to the over-chlorinated public pool, bagged up all their clothes and bought them each one outfit. Mike had chocolate skin and a cute little fro. His big brown eyes are shy, sad and timid when we are introduced. All his top teeth have rotted out and are jagged brown stubs. The children play while we hear some back story from the family who was watching them before us. Then we pile into two cars and head for church. (We still had our foreign exchange student Maria and her friend – also Maria – with us). We get to church and the big kids run a head with Mike to their Sunday school room. I get to their room and discover Mike is neither sad, shy or timid! He whines that he “doesn’t want to go” and I explain that everyone in our family goes to class and while he is on “vacation” with us he is part of our family and “gets” to go too. Not sure why I called this a vacation, but the verb-age works for him because he goes inside and sits down.
We go to church and the message is about the spiritual realm.
God’s perfect timing.
We pick up the children for church and they are full of energy (but not defiant) and head to Café Rio for lunch with 3 other families from church.
After lunch we let the children play. Mike was WILD!! He ignored and shut down when any adult talked with him or gave him instructions. he seemed to be playing fine with the other children. He was punching Brad and the other dads and grabbing their arms and twisting them. He would run from me and refuse to look/talk to me. I was instantly concerned we wouldn’t be able to handle him.
My expectation of a 5-year-old homeless boy, was withdrawn and scared. I thought he would be nervous around us. Mike was the opposite of my every expectation.
We already had plans to help our friends move, so we went over to their house right after lunch. Mike played fine with the other children. The kids had to stay outside because the adults were moving heavy boxes. Mike wasn’t listening when I told him to stay outside. He would run away and refuse to talk to me. For some reason when I was disciplining him, instead of putting him in a timeout, I started to tickle him.
He laughed.
Belly laughed.
And it was like a spell was broken – he was no longer physical with us. He wasn’t perfect but something changed.
We came home for naps before we went to our local Summer Concert in the Park. Brad took Eli and Mike through the In-N-Out Burger drive-thru and I took Maria, Cora Jane, Cy and Tess to the park to get a spot. Family was meeting us there and I was looking forward to a fun evening
. 
We enjoyed dinner and the kids were having fun playing together. It was (fake) Neil Diamond so we were all dancing.
Obviously.
Then a man tapped my sister’s shoulder, pointed to Mike and said, “he’s asking people for money.” She got my attention and I watched for a second. Sure enough, he was nestled behind her fold-up chair and every time a person walked by he would say, “Money???” and hold out his hand.
I sat next to him and asked why he was asking people for money. He said, “I want ice cream,” and pointed to the ice cream truck that had pulled up nearby.
So I’m thinking when he’s on the streets with his parents and he wants something, they say get the money and you can have it. Or they are out begging (or doing illegal things) and he’s on his own, and just figured out a way to get what he wants. He’s smart.
I’m speculating.
We went home, and had Bible stories, then bed. He complained about having to read the stories with us.
We were tired and prayerful. But optimistic.
In the middle of the night Cy woke up. We put him back down after snuggles, then he woke up again and was crazy crying for a LONG time. Our kids are amazing sleepers so this is a very rare… basically non existent situation for us. He was inconsolable. It felt evil and scary.

July 29th – Monday
Brad left for work and our friend dropped off the 2-year-old boy I watch at 6:30am. At around 7am Mike woke up and got the other boys up. The morning was fine. I took the 3 big kids (Eli, Cora Jane and Mike) to VBS. We had already planned a local VBS this week and I had called ahead so Mike could be included. They were very accommodating and the other host family signed up Sarah as well. So the siblings would get to see each other everyday even though they weren’t staying in the same house.
When I picked up the kids I got a strange vibe from the VBS coordinator. She said it went OK, but I’m not too sure.
We came home and I made lunch. I strongly feel like our roll here is not to discipline but to love on him, while giving him structure. Mike was trying to shock me by playing with his food. Since he was looking for a specific reaction – anger – I gave him a different one. I made his food mess into a happy face and laughed and encouraged his creativity. Then he ate his sandwich.
While I was putting things away in the kitchen I heard Mike saying something about a guy who walks slowly with a knife.
Um…what!?!?!
I walked over and he was describing the Halloween movies to the other kids.
Great.
I interrupted and told him we don’t watch scary movies because they aren’t real and we want our home to be filled with “laughter and happy thoughts.”
Then he started saying “Michael Myers” over and over again. Like 20ish times. Then he just looked at me. I felt like he was looking for a reaction from me again.
I said, “That name has no power here.”
Staring at me… ”Michael Myers”
”That name has no power in our home.”
”Michael Myers will come with a knife to your bed at night to kill you.”
”Michael Myers is NOT real. I’ve never seen that movie and those images have no authority in this home. It’s safe here. You are safe here.”
Then he looked away and started eating again. I started to walk back to the kitchen and Mike mumbled something. I stopped and asked what he said, thinking he was either talking back to me or continuing with the scary movie thing.
He put his hand over his face. (This is something he does when he is nervous, scared, or embarrassed. Like he wants to disappear from the world into the comfort of his own mind.)
I asked him what he said again and he said, “I like it here.”
I said, “I like YOU.”
But as soon as the words left my mouth I knew it was a lie. I didn’t like Mike,
I loved him.
He is a precious creation. He’s smart and funny. And was born to parents who (I think) love him but who don’t know who to raise a child.
Halloween!
REALLY!?!?!?!?!????
Idiots.
Later we were sitting together at the table and he started making a mean face at an empty space. His face muscles would tense up and his features contorted. He would stare into the space and hold the face for 5-10 seconds then his face would relax and he would look back at me. I’m not sure if it was just a child looking for a reaction so I wouldn’t respond unless he had his normal expression. I asked what he was looking at and he wouldn’t answer. Then he suddenly crouched over as if he was going to be hit. He was cowered over with his arms protecting his head. He held that position for about 15 seconds. Eli and I looked at each other and shrugged. Then I said, “Mike, are you OK?”
He popped back up and laughed and said, “You thought I was serious, I was just joking.”
Brad got home at 6ish and we went out to dinner, because if there is ever a reason not to cook, it’s hosting a homeless child in your home. We went to one of those plaza type places. So there was like 5 fast-ish food places and outdoor eating.
During dinner Mike was slapping and hitting himself. He was saying that he could choke himself and then he would die.
He is listening better but shuts down when we talk directly to him. So I give directions to everyone at the same time without singling him out.
Bedtime Bible stories went well.

July 30th – Tuesday
The children woke well and we had a good breakfast before VBS. The VBS coordinator pulled the other host mom and I aside and said that Mike and Sarah were violent and that if it continued this session we would have to stay to supervise the rest of the week. Which of course would be fine. They were going to switch classes and see how it worked. Luckily when we went for pick-up, the day had been better. On the way home Mike started rocking back and forth saying, “I am ugly,” over and over again. Probably 40ish times in a row. I waited till; he was done because I feel like when I talk to him (and any kid) while they are in a fit, my words aren’t heard. I feel like part of our role is to directly speak Truth into his life.
You are handsome.
You are good.
You are smart.
(Crazy hair day at VBS above)
I have prepped him for VBS by saying that everyone there likes him. I told him that everyone told me they wanted him there. I’ve found that my children do so much better when they feel accepted.
Isn’t that what everyone wants?
I feel the enemy is whispering lies into Mike’s ears, or maybe through the words of his parents. I want God’s Truth to be ingrained in his head… maybe though my words.
We got home and had planned for the other host mom to bring Sarah and her children over for a playdate.
It went horrible.
Mike and Sarah were awful to each other and there was a feeling of unrest and urgency that I can’t explain. It could be because two of my littles and the boy I watch were ready for naps and super cranky. I tried to watch Mike and Sarah together and it was an interesting dynamic. I felt like she was baiting him and he was very odd with her. The Safe Families coordinator at our church gifted the kids with a few toys and Mike was complaining that Sarah got more. He was whining a lot while she was here.
Sarah’s speech was hard to understand but her tone was very combative. She just turned 4 last week and I was surprised at how much of an attitude she had. It was stereotypical ghetto girl. I’m talking SNL skit stereotypical, with over the top challenging delivery to her words and body language. I’m also concerned about her health as her teeth are starting to rot at the base. I’m sure that’s how Mike’s probably started. I’m worried that both kids’ health will continue to decline rapidly when they are back on the street.
The little kids had naps then we left at 4:45 for a family BBQ. Mike fell asleep in the car and it reminded me that he is going through a lot and this sweet little being is processing a lot of big problems. We got to the BBQ and Mike was running around exploring.
Then suddenly he was very quiet and shy. He just sat on the back step and looked sad. I asked if he was OK and he wouldn’t respond. I affirmed the fact that this was a safe place and that I wanted him to have fun. Then I left him to sulk. With my kids it just prolongs the pity party if you beg and plead with them to play. Just state the facts, and their options and leave them alone… maybe reminding them of their options every 10-15 minutes. Even kids just want to be alone sometimes and they have the luxury of being rude in groups that adults don’t!
Ha!
Mike did OK at the BBQ. He doesn’t stop when I say stop, and sometimes runs away when I call. But I feel like it is more of a child learning structure, not an act of defiance. I’m sure he’s still asking in his head, “Does this big eyed lady mean what she says?”
On the way home, Debbie, Mike’s mom called and it was very emotional for her. She sounded distressed. She said this was the first time she has ever had to panhandle but I know that was a lie because of Mike’s actions at the concert in the park. She said that she didn’t do drugs at least 10 times in our conversation. Which only makes me think she does.
I’m trying not to be cynical but I felt like she was feeling me out in the conversation, and grooming me to ask for money in the future. I tried to affirm her. She was hysterically crying because other homeless people were making more money panhandling than she was making… and her “will work for food” sign was more creative than theirs. She talked with Mike for about one minute and he was indifferent about the conversation. She never asked me anything about him or what we were doing.
Mike has said a few times, “I miss my mommy, daddy and sister.” But it’s sounds mechanical and he never talks about them except for that one phrase. On the first night I asked him his favorite thing about his mom, dad and sister. I thought that it would help if we talked about them. I want to help comfort him if he misses them. After I asked about them he looked at me like I grew wings. .

July 31 – Wednesday
The usual morning. Mellow and easy. VBS drop off went well but I did notice Mike seemed to be all over the place and distracted. I’m not sure why he does so much worse when other people are around. I wish he would always act the we he does when it’s just our family. Actually I wish he would always act like I see him in his “real moments.” There are theses moments multiple times a day when the real Mike comes out. The perfect creation and personality he was meant to have. It can bring me to tears when I see those moments. Makes me want to shake my fist at the world for the injustice he has faced. We stayed at the church so the children would have plenty of play time. Lunch was good but I feel like Mike isn’t eating enough. I expected a homeless boy to be eating constantly. He’s not. But the other host mom says that Sarah eats ALL DAY LONG.
While the 3 little kids were napping Cora Jane and Mike were playing so well together. They worked on art projects and did tattoos. Cora Jane is such a cool girl. She is flexible and Mike feels comfortable with her. Eli is becoming flustered with Mike. Eli says things like, “Mike doesn’t answer my questions. He doesn’t care about the rules.” Eli is exasperated and can’t fathom why Mike is so mean and doesn’t listen.
I put on a movie while I prepared dinner and Mike fell asleep on the couch. Super cute! I think he is feeling like this is a safe comfortable place.

 
The other host mom mentioned in one of our parking lot cry-fests… I mean debriefing meetings after VBS that she was trying to think of what they could teach/ offer to Sarah in the 10 day period we have the children. She is going to teach Sarah her letters and how to use the computer. I think this is a great perspective… what can we offer Mike in 10 days that can impact his life? Mike knows how to use the computer and knows his letters. I’m wondering if there is a way to give him a reference point of “normal.” Like it’s normal to brush your teeth every night… it’s normal to feel safe in your home… it’s normal for parents to work…
We had invited friends over for dinner that are in the process of fostering to adopt two boys. We were hoping they would have some advice and insight into what was going on with Mike.
We really want Mike’s spirit to know and recognize normal. During dinner Mike was very anti social. Eating while facing away from the group. We decided to go on a sunset hike. Another thing I feel led to show Mike is nature.
Random, right?
We want him to see and be in nature. There is an unexplainable peace that comes while being surrounded by God’s creation. We can give him that!
He started playing with the other kids and we were excited to see him interacting.
Our friend’s (who was over for dinner) parents have worked with the homeless population in Long Beach (I think) for over 15 years and he talked about a spirit of poverty that settles on homeless people. (We learned about the aspects of poverty in a great class called, Poverty Unlocked. I highly recommend it if you get the opportunity to take it.) We are especially praying for Jesus to break those chains.

This is part 1 of 3 about our Safe Families experience!
Check back soon for more.